momentum, sluggish, but there

In the good news, I managed to work on my own little side project for two evenings this week. I spent a pathetic two hours in total, but it's better than nothing.

I also decided to try out JIRA to track my progress. Not that you really need a bug tracker on a one-man project. But at work we use bugzilla, and I've heard some interesting things about JIRA and wanted to try it. And maybe keeping track of things this way will help to keep me motivated.

is there a ball and chain around my ankle? i didn't think so.

I've got a coworker who feels it's his responsibility to notify me when I haven't been at my desk; as if he wants me to know that he "caught" me being absent.

Note to coworker: I don't report to you, and it's not your business if I'm not there when you come over. And by the way: I also notice it when I come over to your desk and you're not there. But I don't inform you of it. I also notice it when I come over to your desk and you're playing video games, surfing the web, or chatting with your online friends. You may get a vibe of disapproval from me, but you don't report to me either, so I keep my mouth shut about it.

In fact, it's not a rare occurrence for employees to be absent at odd hours during the day. The company does not keep tabs on the comings and goings of the worker bees, at least not so far as I can tell. Perhaps they make the reasonable assumption that if you need to be out for a few hours during the day, you'll make up for the time. This is something that I like about the company.

test development as mindless game

Today I sat in the office, working on a suite of TestNG tests, trying to get them to pass. The procedure was iterative. Run the suite and see a load of red bars. Explore each red bar to see why the test failed. Fix the problem. Run the suite again, being rewarded with more green bars and less red bars. Wash, rinse, repeat, until only green bars appear.

As I was doing this, I noticed that I get the same enjoyment from fixing tests as I do when scoring points in a simple, mindless video game. A really boring video game, but it's got that somewhat addictive quality. It's actually mildly entertaining if you read blogs between test runs.

to open source or not to open source

I took another look around sourceforge, and I did see some pretty cool looking projects.

But I've been thinking about a couple of projects that I put to one side months ago. I think I'd feel more motivated to work on those again. The difficulty will be in maintaining a strict schedule. I'll have to think about how to deal with that. My problem is that I pick something up and work on it for a week, and then real life distracts me, and that's the end of it. I need a progress-tracker/reminder/calendar thingy.

why not contribute to open source?

In my last post, I mentioned that I'm missing a sense of camaraderie at work, and wondered how hard that is to come by.

Maybe I could get that feeling by contributing to an open source project.

I tried exactly once before to begin working on an open source project. I went to SourceForge and took a look around to see if anything just grabbed me. I had a couple of criteria: it had to be reasonably active, with recent contributions. And it had to be interesting to me personally, the kind of thing where I though "cool!" when I first saw it. I didn't find anything like that; but I only gave it a cursory look.

I think I'll go back to SourceForge for another look. There's got to be some project out there that can use a little help.

I wonder who contributes to the bulk of open source projects? I've always assumed they're mostly written by college students, people with the most time. Or maybe the temporarily unemployed. I guess some people actually come home from coding all day and then code half the night away, too. It would be interesting to find out the number of students vs moonlighting developers.

i want to care, but i don't

why bother? / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0
Originally uploaded by jontintinjordan

I'm back to "why bother" mode at work. I'm finding it difficult to get into work by 9, and to convince myself to stay beyond 5. And it's not like I have anything compelling to distract me. Before heading to work, I'll be surfing the internet, maybe reading blogs or discussion boards. When I get home, I'll do some exercise, surf the internet, catch some Netflix.

A few months ago, there were a few precious days when I was working on an issue which had strongly grabbed my attention. I was so obsessed that I came back to work after leaving for the day, and stayed till after midnight to work on it. I hadn't felt so good since I was in grad school. At that time, every minute of every day felt like effort I was expending on myself, on something that was important to me, personally.

This meshes up with an RSA Animate video that I viewed recently. The animation was made to accompany a talk by Dan Pink about how (according to some study) money is an insufficient motivator, except for workers doing very mechanical, non-creative tasks (I'm glossing over the details, but that's the gist of it).

Yeah, I get that. I still need to work for a living, and in a job hunt, I'm going to pick the highest paid job I can find, so money motivates to a certain extent. But will I do the best I possibly can at that job, giving it my heart and soul, like I did when I was a grad student? Most of the time, the answer is no. Because I fundamentally don't care about what I'm doing. I know that companies buy the software that I'm working on, so it's obviously valuable to them. But I see no value in the product (in fact I kind of hate it).

In addition to that, I've lost the feeling of "tribe" that I felt I had in grad school. At that time, I felt like I was part of a cohort with similar lofty goals: contributing to science, discovering new things. I'm a cohort of one where I work now. There isn't a sense of trust. People look at you sideways if you say the wrong thing, and you never know exactly what will sound wrong, so you don't say much at all. Ask for help? If you do that, you're "bothering" people, acting like some junior newbie.

And despite all that, my current job is really not so bad. My coworkers are fine people. There's just something missing. I should probably leave, to look for that sense of team elsewhere. But I kind of wonder if it exists. If it does, it's probably so rare that it would be very difficult to find. Maybe my best bet is to just keep saving till I can be done with working for a living.